Dear Drivers of East and West Bound Highway 40

This letter is to inform you that I am really sick of spending close to 15 hours per week on the highway. Why am I spending so much time on the road you ask? Well, I.ll tell you. It.s because of you. First, let me address all the eastbound drivers. Yes, the sun is bright. You may be familiar with the sun; you.ve known it all your life. Is it too much to ask that you flip down your sun visor, throw on a stylish looking pair of sunglasses, and step on the gas? There.s no reason why the sun should hamper my ability to get to work at a reasonable hour.

Also, when there is an accident (that your reckless driving probably caused) or someone.s car breaks down, I would very much appreciate it if you could look and drive at the same time. It makes no sense to me why you have to stop/slow down to look anyway. The last thing I.d like to talk to you about is why you feel you must get in the fast lane, only to go 40 MPH and leave 10 car lengths in front of you.

I realize that some of you are in no hurry to get to work because you hate your jobs. That.s fine, however I don.t hate my job, and I.d like to get there on time. If you aren.t in a hurry, get in the slow lane and stay there. Just stay the hell out of my way. That will make my commute, as well as yours, much more enjoyable.

Next, I.d like to address all you west bound drivers in the pm. Yes, I realize that most of you were addressed with the east bounder drivers. Just shut up and keep reading. When I leave work for the day, after a long, sometimes-stressful day, I.d like to get home at a decent hour. For reasons unknown to me, you sometimes make this difficult for me. Again, the same slowness occurs when there are accidents and/or breakdowns. Stop it. Just drive. You don.t have to stop and stare. Really. Also, when someone is trying to get on via an on-ramp, do not.I repeat, DO NOT speed up and try to cut them off before they can get on the highway. It.s rude and uncalled for. If you don.t want anyone to .get in front of you., get in the fast lane and step on it.

I find it incredibly hard to believe that most of you are nice, loving, kind human beings. Some of you flip other drives the bird, shake your fists, cut people off, and all other sorts of stupid things. Knock it off. If we all worked together to drive home in a quick, efficient manner, we could all get home in time for Brian Williams and the NBC Night News.

I.ll close this letter by saying that I would appreciate your cooperation in this matter. I.m not a morning person, so if this comes off as bitchy, well.it probably is and I mean every word of it. You.ll all be sorry when construction starts on 40, and you.re forced to take the deathtrap they call highway 70. You.ll be really sorry then. People on 70 don.t play that shit. You.ll get ran over and I.ll laugh. But don.t worry, I.ll call *55 for you.

Love & Kisses

Dana