The Percocet Made Me Say It

My surgery was yesterday. I was a huge baby, and made a huge production of making sure everyone knew this. Just to ensure that I received the best care available. (I'm retarded, I know this.) My hot oral surgeon was fantastic. He smelled yummy too. If you need any oral work done, please let me know. Everyone needs a hot oral surgeon. Anyway, back to the actual surgery. It went really well. I was out of it yesterday totally and today I'm in and out. I was sleeping a minute ago and then realized that I tasted something that didn't taste like my usual spit. It was blood. Oh yay! So it's gauze back in my mouth. I called the office just to make sure that was normal, because I'm a big baby. Of course it's normal. The fact that my face is the size of the state of Montana is apparently normal too. I look like that guy from the movie Mask, who has elephantitis. Really. I look freakish. If I went out in public right now, people would point and laugh uncontrollably. I really hope the swelling goes down ASAP.

Now, let me just say that when you're all hocked up on Percocet and CNN has been playing tornado footage from Iowa all day, when the wind starts blowing, you tend to freak out. I'm freaking out right now. Like, contemplating going to the basement freaking out. So the question is, do I take more percocet to sorta even it out? Or, do I go to the basement like a retard? It's the percocet man. It's making me crazy.

So, that's about it. I'm lying in bed feeling miserable and bleeding. I can't look in the mirror, because that hurts worse than my mouth. I LOOK LIKE A FREAK. I obviously didn't get the memo on this part. If I had, I probably would have backed out.